You want to know what I have to confess? Well, its not a funny confession nor one that I have taken light hearted. Rather it is a struggle that I am sure each Christian has in their walk with the Lord. So I wrote this post to let you know (if you are also struggling in this area) that you aren't the only one and I pray that it encourages you in your own walk with the Lord to remain steadfast and joyful, with excitement and determination to have it grow more and more.
So, here's my confession. I've haven't spent the time I should have with my Lord! Wondering what I mean? Well, lately I have had a tough time continuing in my daily walk with the Lord as far as devotions go. Doesn't seem that big does it! It has been big to me though, because instead of setting aside time in the word alone, I thought of other things to do, when I was about to do it at night I decided I should go to sleep and do it in the morning then when it was the next morning I said 'well I'll just do it tonight'. It starts out as a small excuse but quickly grows. As the days go by and I see my life getting harder to understand and my other struggles increasing, I ask myself why is this happening. Then realize, its because my compass or hand hold on the world and on who I am in that world, has weakened and I have started (with a horrible sense of direction) trying to figure it out in my own power. It continues to be a struggle for me which means I must put all the more effort and determination into it, but often I neglect to. The reason I decided to write a post about this today is because this morning when I made the silent agreement with myself that I would put even more effort into it than I had in the past week and pleaded with God that He would help me, I came upon another realization.
When I sat down and started to read out of Romans I was instantly asking myself why I hadn't done it earlier. It wasn't that difficult (as I knew it really wouldn't be) and I was yet again amazed at how the verses applied to my life in different areas and was encouraged that God was still speaking to me through them. A few minutes later when I found out I had to stop to get ready for the day I was slightly disappointed, because I when I read those verses the joy was revitalized within me and my grip grew all the more tighter. It was similar to the feeling that you get while you are rock climbing with a harness on and your hands slip making you put all your weight back in that harness that holds you up, and the realization as that happens, that you aren't on your own. That the trust you put in that person holding the rope below you is not unfounded and the stress leaves your body as this idea comes to your awareness. Its a rather odd example but one that came to my mind as I was writing this, because that was honestly what I felt. Joy, hope, courage, excitement, gratitude, and awe. Awe, that even though I had strayed from God and had put Him to the side and others in His place He still wanted me back and was there with open arms when I did.
In reading all this though, it is important to know that Satan will be fighting you all the way. Not wanting those feeling of joy and that faith put back in God. This was also the other lesson that was not new but I was reminded of yet again today. Because I knew that it was spiritual warfare that was the answer to my question earlier. The question of why I had not just sat down and read it sooner. Satan doesn't generally fight us visibly, instead he uses all sorts of different tactics, and one of his best attacks is the deceptive one you don't realize is there. The one he plays on the battlefield of your mind. Enticing and encouraging thoughts that not only distract but discourage you from growing in your relationship with the Lord. The only way to battle him back is to do the very thing he doesn't want you to. For it is there that you find the strength and reinforcement to continue in the battle.
I have to head off to bed now but I hope what I wrote encouraged you, and while there might be nothing in this post that is new to you. I know there are plenty of things in the bible that will be. So I hope and pray that it encourages you to go back to that bible and find something that is new.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
- Colossians 3:16